i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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