i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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