do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
