my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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