I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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