Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know, be my cock's hype man.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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