You don't have asthma, your pregnant
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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