I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my shit smells like andre
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I deserve this hangover.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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