You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Congratulations! We have a period
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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