I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
