if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
