Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
