my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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