I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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