Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
