Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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