I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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