Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
