So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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