I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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