How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
where are you?
Hypothermia
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
