imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
