so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
