As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
