I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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