no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
