Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
