i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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