i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
