I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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