I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
