I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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