Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
