i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
