I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Your dad touched me again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
