he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
