When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
