the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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