I've blown a few things in my day
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
