I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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