That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
