I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
