Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
