I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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