I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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