i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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