we're blogging at a bar
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
