P.S. I can't hear my feet
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
