I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
