just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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