there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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