i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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