Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize