What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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