id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
